


whisper, whisper

by xtacosyum



Series: nowhere to go, no one to be [1]
Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 05:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17861015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtacosyum/pseuds/xtacosyum
Summary: She wakes up somewhere she doesn’t know, mind empty of memories.





	whisper, whisper

**Author's Note:**

> first time posting anything ever i love a wraith dunno why this is the fandom i decide to post for but hey why not get in on that apex while it’s still new and fresh i proofread this like three times but i’m tired now pls don’t hate me bye

The first thing she is ever aware of is pain.  
  
It’s like lightning, shooting down her arms. Somehow it feels like it’s going _inside_ her, clawing holes in her lungs and her heart, tearing it all down cell by cell. Sparks of it branch off her and into the air. It’s a nice enough color, electric blue.  
  
The color becomes one of the main things she focuses on, because she realizes there are no memories of anything inside her mind.  
  
She doesn’t even know if she has a name.  
  
All that she has is a bone deep, wrenching pull, centered on her hand. It’s almost like it wants her to do something with it, but she has no idea what. Left without release, the energy builds and builds and _builds—_

Mercifully, she falls unconscious.

 

* * *

 

Time passes. It could be hours, days. It could be seconds. But almost inevitably, the energy calls to her, and she is awake once more.  
  
It crackles around her hand. Less of it seems focused inside her; now it has gathered to rest in her palm, calling to her. But she doesn’t know how to answer.  
  
She forces her eyes to look around her. The surroundings are unfamiliar, and unwelcoming. The walls are a stark white, almost too bright to look at, but they are otherwise blank. There is nothing else in the room, except for her.  
  
Her gaze is drawn back down to her hands, where the energy is coalescing. It _wants_ something from her. But what?  
  
Slowly, she clenches her fist. The energy follows her fingers, growing into a tight ball. It’s close to getting what it wants, she thinks.  
  
Her hand stays closed. The energy builds. With a violent pulse, it shudders throughout her body, and she screams.  
  
Lights flash before her eyes, and then they melt away and she is left staring at—nothing. There is a gaping void, right above her hand, and she swears she can hear whispering from it. But then the energy ripples again, shooting through her arms, and it feels like it’s crawling inside her, tearing her apart from the inside.  
  
Maybe it is tearing her apart. Maybe parts of her body are being ripped away, leaving nothing but this unnatural hole, and eventually she will be a husk.  
  
She is terrified.  
  
Energy loops through her body, from her hand to her chest, and then it goes _up,_  heading towards her skull, and she screams louder. Her head feels like it will burst. Maybe this energy will rip its way out and she will just be nothing, but maybe then at least the pain will _stop—_  
  
She feels it in every inch of her. With another desperate scream, she falls unconscious once more.

 

* * *

 

Thus begins her sick cycle.  
  
Energy builds up within her, trying to escape her body, but it isn’t able to find release. It will focus on her hands, it will build, it will grow unbearable. She always passes out, and the call always beckons her awake.  
  
She seems to be able to stay awake for longer and longer periods of time. Maybe she’s growing tolerant to the pain. It doesn’t feel like a blessing, though; she can sit there and be awake all she likes, but she is forced to wait with a growing horror until the energy forces her into oblivion.  
  
The longer she is awake, the more whispers she begins to hear.  
  
They start small, at first; barely noticeable. It’s more the idea of a whisper. Just enough for her to pick it up, then she focuses on it and it’s gone. But as her hell continues, they grow stronger.  
  
_Void, enter, shadow_ , she hears. _Threat, weave, control._ They are meaningless to her. Just words strung together, ricocheting around her mind, but they will not go away. It is both many voices, and one; the only thing she can hear, and gone in the next breath. It crowds her mind until she can barely hear herself think. She wants this all to _stop._

 

* * *

 

She gets used to the feeling of energy coursing through her body. Eventually, she is able to roll over through the pain. After that she can sit up, and then she stands, until she is pacing around the edges of her confinement.  
  
The whispers continue to hound her, but she grows able to ignore those too.  
  
Walking around the walls reveals new information. At one end, there is the smallest seam. It blends into the wall so flawlessly that she has to run her fingers along the edges until she finds it again. It is some type of door. There is no discernible way to open it. She traces her fingers along it, the mantra _escape flee run_ echoing through her head. The voices scare her, but they have a point. She doesn’t know where she is. She knows that she wants out.  
  
On the other side of the room, a mirror stretches along the wall. When she first woke up, she hadn’t noticed how the room was shaped oddly. As she grew more coherent, she recognized it for what it was.  
  
She was also able to take in her appearance.  
  
Gaunt, heavily bagged eyes stared at her. They were a milky blue, with no pupils, shaped narrow and pointed. Her lips were chapped, the base of her nose wide. Her hair was fuzzy, as if it had been shaved and was growing back, but she could tell it was the color black. She is wearing a thin, ratty tank top and shorts that go mid thigh.  
  
Seeing how she looked felt like it should bring out memories. All it did was make her feel more tired.  
  
_Specter, ghost, dead,_ she hears. _Corpse. Ethereal._  
  
**_Wraith._ **

 

* * *

  
  
Time passes in the form of laps around the room. The pain doesn’t drive her unconscious as much anymore. If anything, she is now awake more than asleep, as if filled with a restless energy. She still doubles over with pain, sometimes, but her body does not seem to grow tired. She hasn’t had anything to eat or drink for however long she’s been in here. Whenever she drifts to sleep by her own choice, she awakens feeling well rested.  
  
Maybe there really was a void inside of her. Now she didn’t need anything to sustain herself, except for the promise of pain in her bones.

 

* * *

  
  
With nothing else to do, she moves.  
  
There are no memories or thoughts for her to remember, to reflect on. She thinks that she wants to get out of here, but she doesn’t know how. So she works her body, walking, running, flipping—aimless motions that build her strength but empty her mind. Aside from the whispers. They seem almost pleased that she’s training, building herself up for something. She doesn’t know what that something is, but she can feel that it’s coming.  
  
She prepares herself for a sprint from one side of the room to the other. Her breath deepens, mind focusing on the goal of moving. Energy crackles around her hand.  
  
_I want to be over there,_ she thinks. Her hand shoots up, and with a crack, energy rips a hole into the air.  
  
There it was again, that void. She hadn’t seen it since the first time she had somehow called it into being, but here it was again. It was larger this time, almost half her height. Blue shadows flickered on the edges of it, facing inward as if they were being sucked back in, but the rest of it was black and empty.  
  
_The void, the rift,_ the voices chant excitedly. _Power, knowledge,_ **_come_ ** _._  
  
Mesmerized, she slowly lifts her hand up. It’s shaking. Her fingers graze the edge of the portal. It feels as if the air were solid, or if she was wading through water.  
  
When her hand slips into the void, the energy around her hand bursts up her arm.  
  
She screams, clutching her hand to her chest. It hurts as much as it did the very first time it struck, digging like needles into her skin. Sparks are flying around her as if they wanted to go somewhere.  
  
_Yes, create, rip,_  she hears. _Open, move,_ **_finish it._**

  
She falls to her knees, shaking. Her breath is coming in harsh pants. Before her, the void waits, empty, still, whispering. She blinks through tears and just watches it, watches as the energy around her arm shoots out to touch the edges of the void before curling back around her fingers.  
  
“What do you _want_?” she whispers hoarsely. If she hadn’t moved her lips herself, she would’ve doubted that she said anything. Her throat is scratchy. The voices from the void drown out her own.  
  
**_Come,_** she hears. Laying her forehead against the cool floor, she waits until she falls into a pained slumber.

 

* * *

 

Energy ripples down her arm, and once more she awakens to its call.  
  
She has fallen sideways on the ground, facing the wall with the mirror. Her hand is cracking with the painfully familiar blue energy.  
  
_Open, slip through, edge of the living_ , she hears. Instinctively, she knows that the energy wants her to do what she did before. Create another void, but this time enter it.  
  
She pulls herself to her feet. Her legs break into a stance, and she faces herself in the mirror. Haunted eyes stare back at her. Her fists clench.  
  
“I will _not_ listen to you,” she whispers.  
  
_No!_ the voices cry. _Listen, safety,_ **_danger!_ ** **_  
_ **  
“You’re the danger!” she shouts, her hands clutching at her head. “I don’t know anything that’s happening! These—these powers do nothing but _hurt_ me!”  
  
_Train, experience, learn,_ the voices plea. For a moment, they all speak at once, uniting to create a thunderous echo in her head:  
  
**_“Connect.”_ ** **_  
_ **  
She howls, clawing at her face. They are split again, all of them clamoring inside her mind, trying to tell her a million things at once. It grows louder until she can’t even distinguish words anymore and it is just a blur of white noise. They blend together into a relentless drum, slamming against her skull until she feels like she’s going to tear apart, pressing against her mind, and then she is lost amongst them, no longer able to tell where she ends and they begin, and she just desperately wants for it all to—  
  
_“Stop!”_ she screams.  
  
And they do.  
  
Her mind is quiet once more.  
  
She falls to her knees, her breath coming in heaving gasps. It feels like her face is stinging. Red stains the tips of her fingers. Looking in the mirror, she realizes that she scratched her face hard enough to draw blood.  
  
Energy winds around her fingers slowly. It doesn’t jump the way it used to, reaching for a way out. It is more like a slow current running across her palm; it doesn’t even stretch to her shoulder anymore.  
  
She sits there and pants, wondering what she has done.

 

* * *

  
  
They come back. Part of her is relieved, and she hates herself for it.  
  
But they are much quieter than before, to the point where she has to concentrate on listening to them. The energy at her fingertips is still less lively than it was. It was as if her powers had listened to her.  
  
A thought strikes her. Maybe she didn’t just have to tolerate. Maybe she could _use._ _  
_  
This room was all that she knew. White on white, reflections staring back at her. There was nothing else besides her and the energy coiling in her palm. Staying in here like this would lead her nowhere; for all she knew, she could stay here forever, locked away with nothing but whispers.  
  
The thought sickens her. She doesn’t know what she used to be, but she wants to be _something._ And maybe she has a way to do that.  
  
Her eyes close, and she takes in a deep breath. She seeks out the energy, willing it to focus in her hand as it had done before. To her surprise, it follows, rolling down through her arm to gather around her hand. She can feel its power humming, the familiar echo of pain lingering- but she is able to hold the energy despite it, watching it with determination. The shock is almost background noise, now, something that she has grown used to in her time here. She takes another deep breath, searching for the voices that she heard so much before.  
  
_What do I do?_ she asks silently.  
  
_Open, enter, ghost,_ they whisper, circling around her mind.  
  
She clenches her fist, and tears a void into the air.  
  
It’s the largest one she’s made to date, standing as tall as she is. She’d be able to step into it if she wanted. Blue lightning cracks around the edges, and the black abyss stares back at her.  
  
Closing her eyes, she steps into it.  
  
Everything turns cold. The hairs on the back of her arm are sticking up, and it feels like there are currents pushing around her. Of what, she doesn’t know; air, maybe, or energy. She’s scared to open her eyes.  
  
_Listen to us,_ the voices beg. _Open, and_ **_see._ **

Her eyes fly open.  
  
Around her, the world is hazy and unfocused. The only color that she can see is blue. In the corner of her eyes, she can see shadowy figures darting back and forth, disappearing when she tries to look at them. As she takes a hesitant step forward, she can still make out the walls around her. It is as if someone just put a blanket over the world, coating it with things she doesn’t understand.  
  
It grows colder. Her body seems to be absorbing energy from the space around her, as if she’s a magnet. Everything inside of her feels as if it’s growing tighter, like before when her energy built up in her hand. This time, it isn’t coming from her. It’s coming from the space she’s in.  
  
_Overload, overwhelm, don’t stay too long,_ the voices chatter. _Move between, leave quickly, space to breathe._ _  
_  
“How do I leave?” she asks aloud. Her voice is faint and echoes around her. It sounds muffled, as if underwater.  
  
_Pulled yourself in,_ they reply. _Pull yourself out._ _  
_  
She glances down at her hand, where more energy is swirling. Clenching it again, she parts the air in front of her, willing it to open a space to the familiar white room.  
  
A rift opens. She walks through, and she is back.

 

* * *

  
  
Where before her time was spent training physically, she now spends it training her powers.  
  
The voices repeatedly call the space she travels to the Void. It is a strange fog, somewhere between this world and another. Energy is housed there in abundance, collecting around her the second she enters. If she stays inside for too long, then she starts to get overloaded, shocks rippling through her body in familiar bursts of pain before she is able to drag herself out. She is able to stay for longer every time she practices, but there always comes a limit to her strength where she has to return. She is not eager to find out what happens if too much energy fills her.  
  
The Void occupies the same space as the room, but in a different realm. She is stopped by the boundary of the walls. After more guidance from the voices, she is able to tear stable rips into the Void. They linger, and she can link two of them together; when she enters through one, energy pushes her quickly along the path she made to the other, depositing her in a new position outside the Void. It’s hard to test the limit on distance between her portals, stuck in the room as she is, but she can reliably create them from at least corner to corner.  
  
Pain from the energy always seems to be following her, a deep set ache in her bones that might never go away. But now, she is used to it, able to run and jump without paying it attention. Occasionally, there are overloads again, where it concentrates and expands until it is too much, coursing through her body like lightning. It knocks her down to the ground, often pushing her into unconsciousness. However, that, too, becomes manageable, until she is able to steady herself by only taking a few moments to breathe and clench her teeth. The times where it is so strong that she has to curl up on the ground often happen after she has spent too long in the Void.  
  
The voices continue to chatter aimlessly in the back of her mind. She doesn’t know if they’re speaking gibberish or just in languages she doesn’t understand. They simply become background noise, a quiet hum always in her thoughts. When she actively focuses on them, or they want to share knowledge about the Void, they grew louder again. After the time she screamed at them to stop, they seem to have put effort into speaking to her as one voice, so as not to confuse her, which she appreciates. The rest of the time they live in harmony.  
  
However, she still remains stuck in a cage, knowing nothing about herself or why she can access the Void.  
  
“Who are you?” she asks aloud one day. It is a question directed at the voices, but spying her reflection out of the corner of her eye, it easily applies to her, too. They seem to confer for a moment, before combining to reply.  
  
_We are one, many,_ they answer. _We are you, you are us._ _  
_  
“But I’m not you,” she says thoughtfully. She looks at herself in the mirror, looking into her tired eyes. Absently, she notes that her hair has grown out to her chin.  
  
“I’m... her,” she continues, gesturing at the mirror. “And you’re you.”  
  
_Then who are you?_ they ask, puzzled. She takes a deep breath, then exhales.  
  
“I don’t know,” she says slowly. Her fingers curl at her sides. “I don’t have a name. I don’t know anything about why I’m here, or these things I can do. I’m just... here.”  
  
_You are the one that walks,_ they murmur. _Shadow in the dark, watcher in the void, a wandering wraith._ _  
_  
“Wraith,” she echoes. Her eyes meet her own again in the mirror. A lost soul, trapped in a cage. Haunted by things she does not and might ever not understand.  
  
“I’m... Wraith.”

 

* * *

  
  
While giving herself an identity is satisfying, Wraith is still no closer to unlocking any secrets.  
  
Her powers have grown exponentially since she first awoke, however long ago. The pain no longer renders her immobile, she can travel through the Void, and she can create new entrances for a brief time to it as well.  
  
But none of it _means_ anything if she’s just stuck here.  
  
Wraith sucks in a breath, bouncing on her feet. She feels restless, and she doesn’t know why. There’s a feeling deep in her gut telling her that something about now is different.  
  
“We need to get out of here,” she says aloud. Her eyes dart around the corners of the room.  
  
_Danger, yes,_ the voices agree. _Watching and waiting, trapped. Time to act._ _  
_  
“But what should I _do?_ ” Wraith asks, brow furrowing. “Even in the Void, the walls are still here. I don’t know how to leave.”  
  
A moment passes as they think. Then:  
  
_Where you are,_ they answer. _False image of yourself, another you, another wall. Something different._ _  
_  
“...The mirror?” she replies, confused. “Should I break it?”  
  
_Nothing to lose, everything to gain._ _  
_  
Wraith looks at her hands thoughtfully. The Void possesses copious amounts of energy. Maybe if she focuses enough into her hand...  
  
Taking a deep breath, Wraith opens a small rift in front of her, large enough for her hand. She sticks it through into the Void, feeling energy beginning to fly towards it. It’s an odd sensation, knowing her hand is still there but not being able to see it.  
  
The longest Wraith had ever managed to stay in the Void was twenty seconds. Afterwards, she had been so struck by pain that she didn’t move for what felt like days. On average, she can comfortably stay in the Void five. Wraith’s hoping that since the only part of her in the Void is her hand, the pain won’t be unbearable.  
  
At about ten seconds, shockwaves are beginning to ripple back up through her arm, so she pulls her hand out. In her fist is a roiling mass of energy, sparking in wide bursts around her. It hurts, but she knows how to work with it, now.  
  
She concentrates. With a deep breath, her hand strikes towards the mirror, and the energy shoots out at the last second.  
  
The mirror explodes in a shower of glass shards. Beyond her is another room, with tables and chairs. She doesn’t see any other people.  
  
Cautiously, Wraith steps over the broken glass, and heads over to the door. It’s unlocked, and she peers through to find a hallway. It’s lined with doors such as this one.  
  
The voices grew louder. _Danger, an entity approaching,_ they warn. _Watch out._ _  
_  
Wraith shuts the door quickly. She can hear footsteps growing louder, before they then continue down the hallway and fade into the distance. She lets out a breath of relief, leaning back against the door.  
  
Wherever she was, there were people here too. If there were this many doors in this facility, then they had to have known she was here. Her thoughts race.  
  
_Trapped and watched,_ she hears. _Kept in a room, taken, left behind._ **_Danger._ ** **_  
_ **  
Her breath quickens. She agrees with the voices. Whoever had kept her here likely did not do so with good intentions. Following that, they then wouldn’t provide her with answers, or allow her to leave. She would have to escape.  
  
Inching the door open again, Wraith finds the hallway empty. She has no idea where to go, so she decides to go where the person came from.  
  
The hallways are a maze, full of close encounters. Wraith ducks behind corners and doors every time she hears a person coming; on one notable occasion, she even slipped into the Void and waited for two people to pass by her.  
  
She wasn’t sure what she was expecting from the people in the hallways. They didn’t seem like... anything. They wore long white coats, and carried clipboards with pencils, and sometimes they would be pushing carts along. However, she couldn’t let herself trust them; they might look harmless, but they had still kept her here.  
  
Wraith reached a set of double doors. Glancing through them, she quickly slunk back behind a chair as she saw people approaching. The room she saw was much more wide than any of the ones she had seen previously; there were counters along the side, and windows leading to bright green. People were everywhere, sitting and standing all over. She was close to escaping, she could feel it. Wraith just had to make it through this last room.  
  
The double doors swung open. A pair of doctors walked through, chatting with each other. She waited until they were past her hiding spot before running through the doors before they shut. Finding herself in a crowd of people and only twenty feet away from outside, Wraith bolted towards the next door.  
  
“Hey!” someone shouted behind her. _Danger_ , she hears, and instinctively she ducks down, dodging the hand shooting out to grab her. Footsteps are echoing behind her, and Wraith knows she is being chased.  
  
The doors slam open as she runs through them. Everything outside was so... bright. There is sunlight coating everything, green grass expanding until it reaches a forest. In the distance, she thinks that she can see mountains. Below the forest stretches out more buildings.  
  
**_Danger,_ ** and panicking, Wraith slips into the Void.  
  
She runs as far as she can, staying in the Void for eleven seconds before breaking out with a harsh gasp. Hiding behind a tree, Wraith peers out to see what’s behind her.  
  
The building she left is massive. She can see people running out and searching; the one she narrowly escaped from is much too close for her liking. But she had managed to escape, however temporarily. She feels a small, triumphant grin stretch across her face.  
  
Next to the entrance, a large sign rests. _IMC Detention Facility for the Mentally Ill,_ she reads. Her brow furrows. Why was she being held there?  
  
_Escape, travel, learn,_ the voices advise. Wraith finds herself nodding in agreement, mind spinning as she thinks.  
  
There were a number of reasons why she could have been held in that facility. Maybe they had trapped and experimented on her there. Maybe she had already been experimented on, and she was put there to try and be kept safe. Maybe someone she didn’t remember forced her into it.  
  
So many possibilities, and she had answers to none of them. Wraith squared her shoulders. She’d have to do this on her own. The only lead she had to go off of was the company IMC.  
  
Turning around, Wraith headed deeper into the forest, intent on tracking down answers.


End file.
